i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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