Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
