I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN