I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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