Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months