Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning

(1-253): View more from Washington

because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'

(253): View more from Washington

no more ever clear

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(253): so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning (1-253): because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha' (253): no more ever clear http://tfl.nu/f9lp

Replies (33) Good night (7433) Bad night (1059)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

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(513): Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home http://tfl.nu/jyep

Replies (16) Good night (8537) Bad night (934)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.

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(843): great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/cndy

Replies (5) Good night (1754) Bad night (777)
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(415): View more from California

I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.

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(415): I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW. http://tfl.nu/hy3p

Replies (6) Good night (2382) Bad night (982)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season

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(860): I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season http://tfl.nu/sdcu

Replies (6) Good night (1782) Bad night (794)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60

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(618): I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60 http://tfl.nu/6i7r

Replies (10) Good night (1370) Bad night (1018)
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(206): View more from Washington

Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.

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(206): Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it. http://tfl.nu/nkgr

Replies (11) Good night (646) Bad night (1602)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...

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(307): I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will... http://tfl.nu/d1km

Replies (12) Good night (1719) Bad night (980)
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(678): View more from Georgia

SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE

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(678): SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE http://tfl.nu/551z

Replies (17) Good night (581) Bad night (2433)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I need to hump something and I know u understand.

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(843): I need to hump something and I know u understand. http://tfl.nu/eg48

Replies (3) Good night (1173) Bad night (480)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?

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(734): Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night? http://tfl.nu/9xzb

Replies (1) Good night (561) Bad night (395)
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(573): View more from Missouri

It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?

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(573): It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night? http://tfl.nu/nbyh

Replies (1) Good night (506) Bad night (624)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow

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(201): i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow http://tfl.nu/q6h5

Replies (2) Good night (510) Bad night (217)
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(636): View more from Missouri

You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.

(314): View more from Missouri

You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.

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(636): You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex. (314): You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her. http://tfl.nu/uk7v

Replies (1) Good night (1227) Bad night (239)
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(815): View more from Illinois

So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.

(815): View more from Illinois

Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.

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(815): So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit. (815): Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message. http://tfl.nu/tst8

Replies (0) Good night (610) Bad night (247)

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