I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"