i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.