Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.