I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
