I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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