We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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