I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
