I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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