Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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