There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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