I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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