we made out on top of his cat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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