Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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