i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
