I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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