OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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