he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
