Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
