I'm lost and stupid without you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
