The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
