I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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