On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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