I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
