Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
