just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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