If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize