If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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