Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
