Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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