Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
