Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
