Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
