i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
