Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
