sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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