I want to have your abortion
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The power of my boobs compel you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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