so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
