UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
