yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize