Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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