you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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