you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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