You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
