I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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