onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
