she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize