Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
