you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
