Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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