I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
