He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
