Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Four minutes until I can fart!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
