he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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