You're completely useless in the revolution.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
