why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
