U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
