yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
