rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I could fuck to npr.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
