We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
