Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
