Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
