I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
True but thats because hes a fetus.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
