Im at strip club and am horny
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
