So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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