God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
