In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
