I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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