something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
