I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
