i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
