I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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