yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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