why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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