awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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