there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
