Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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