This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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