He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
