The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
