You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
