Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize