the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
