butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
