oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
